He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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