Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
