im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
