the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
