Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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