my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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