Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
