I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
