Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
