Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
