legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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