My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
