this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
