I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
