At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
