There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
