if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
