Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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