wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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