You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
