please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
