we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize