Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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