she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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