I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
