he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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