Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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