ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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