so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
