do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
