Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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