I hate all girls vehemently.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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