Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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