she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
