I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
