My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
