when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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