My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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