Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
