can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
