some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
