I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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