he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
