***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
