i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
