Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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