my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
