in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
