it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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