we made out on top of his cat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
