I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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