apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
