I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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