Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
