Moan for me like Helen Keller
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
