im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
