I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
