Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize