so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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