just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sext me about skeletons
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
