Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize