So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
