you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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