Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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