I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
