where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
