I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
